Do You Even Need To Be My Valentine? The Meaning Of Love In Today’s Loneliness Epidemic
Whether you had a good, bad, tragic, romantic or non-existent Valentine's Day—it's okay. The notion of a single day for grand romantic gestures feels outdated, particularly in a world where so many experience loneliness.
For almost 9 million Australians who feel lonely weekly, small, everyday gestures can make the most difference—a kind word, a genuine smile, or simply remembering someone’s birthday. These acts remind us that we belong.
In celebrating small acts of love everyday, one of my greatest joys has been witnessing the world through my toddler son’s eyes. His face lights up at the sight of a dog, and I’ve spent countless evenings circling the block with his pram just to find one for him to admire. It’s moments like these—small but profound—that embody the heart of love.
St. Valentine, the Roman priest whose legend inspired this day, was martyred for defying the Emperor’s decree by performing marriages. In today’s world, while many in countries like Australia are free to marry who they choose, it’s crucial to remember that in many parts of the world, love can still be a dangerous act. Perhaps the best way to honour St. Valentine’s legacy is to see love as something worth fighting for—not just romantic love, but love in all its forms.
The Donut Theory of Love
Experts in social health remind us that love isn’t one-dimensional—it exists across three circles. Think of it like a doughnut. At the centre, there’s intimate love: romantic partners, close family, or best friends. Beyond that is relational love: the friendships, colleagues, and neighbours who bring connection to our daily lives. Finally, there’s collective love: our communities and the shared identities that bind us together.
This framework invites us to rethink how, and which types of love are celebrated. Instead of confining it to romantic love, we can broaden its purpose to embrace the many ways love enriches our lives.
The Digital Connection Dilemma
I saw a jaw-dropping statistic recently: 1 million people in the UK are now dating AI chatbots. And right here in Australia, over half of online daters are interested in using AI as their digital Cupid. This raises serious concerns—not just about our national fertility rates, but about the emotional risks of robot relationships. Our own research from the Foundation for Social Health shows that many Gen Z and Millennial online daters feel lonelier than before they started swiping right, largely due to the superficial nature of many online interactions.
The solution? Bring back in-person hangouts, dates, and social interactions. Our emotional and physical well-being is nurtured best when we foster real-life relationships. And the science backs it up: people with strong social connections are less likely to experience early death. We literally depend on these relationships for our survival.
The Power of Friendship
The hangover of Valentine’s Day often divides us into couples versus singles, but friendship is equally vital. Last year, the person I wanted to text “Happy Valentine’s Day” wasn’t a romantic partner but the ex-wife of my son’s father, someone who had shown me immense kindness during a hard time. Platonic love can be a powerful remedy for loneliness, whether it’s a heartfelt conversation or a meal shared with friends.
Self-Love and the Courage to Create
As bell hooks reminds us, self-love is transformative. It’s not about fleeting moments of indulgence but the ongoing process of healing, empowering ourselves, and embracing our own worth. For me, launching the Foundation for Social Health has been an act of self-love—a celebration of my time here on Earth and a recognition that my ideas, and my life, are worth nurturing.
But the most beautiful part of this journey has been realising how self-love interacts with community love. The Foundation isn’t just my vision; it’s a product of collaboration with my extraordinary leadership team and board, whose creativity and commitment have brought this dream to life. Together, we’ve created something greater than any of us could have achieved alone.
We live in a society where so many of us spend our time fulfilling roles that could be replaced tomorrow. Yet, within each of us is a force of creation, a spark of something uniquely ours. And when that spark connects with others, it becomes transformative—not just for ourselves, but for the communities we’re part of.
Expanding Love Beyond People
Love isn’t just about human relationships. The bonds we share with animals and the connection we feel to nature are deeply meaningful. Science shows that spending time with pets or in green spaces can significantly boost our mental health. Why not make it a ritual to celebrate the companionship of a pet or the tranquillity of a walk in the park?
Honouring St. Valentine’s Legacy
So, let’s take inspiration from St. Valentine and his fight for love. Whether it’s the joy of watching a child’s laughter, the comfort of a pet, the strength of a friendship, or the quiet act of loving ourselves, let’s celebrate love in all its forms.
In a world where loneliness threatens so many, let’s make every day a testament to the power of love—not just for others but for ourselves and the communities we hold dear.